Finlayson: What NOT to say on a first date (apparently)
Him: Were you an accident prone child?
Me: I don’t think I was any more accident prone than most children. Went to the ER for slamming my thumb in a door. You know, usual stuff. What about you?
Him: Not really. I was pretty careful growing up. But I think the fact that you only went to the ER once is pretty good!
Me: Oh wait. On my fourth birthday I was playing in the neighbor’s yard and I tripped and fell. As I was falling I must have been screaming because when my chin hit their driveway my teeth went right through my tongue. The hole was so big I’m pretty sure it was just dangling by a thread. I remember wearing a plaid skirt with a white sweater that had bows on it. I accessorized with white tights, patent leather mary-janes, and a pearl headband.
Anyway, my mom and our neighbor drove me to the ER. Since I was swallowing so much blood I started throwing up all over the dashboard of our neighbor’s car. My dad was at a Giants game otherwise he would have driven me - probably much faster too. I don’t remember our neighbor having a real sense of urgency about the whole thing. So yeah, they sewed my tongue back together and I got to eat ice cream for awhile.
Him: …oh. I see.
Still haven’t heard about a possible second date…
Personally, I’ve always found the story about how a combination of Yerba Mate and asthma medication sent me to the hospital in an ambulance because my roommate thought I was having a heart attack to be a pretty good date ER story.
